Note: I have no idea why half of my text is “centered” — I can’t seem to change it.
I started this blog entry a couple days ago, and was never able to really sit and write. And I’m glad…. things have changed — well, things haven’t changed, but perspective has. For that, I’m grateful.
I went in to my maternity care provider (a family doctor and a CNM) on Thursday for my normal 30 week check-up. I got my labs back from the 3rd trimester screening (hemoglobin, sugar test, STDs [ oy!], etc.) and everything looked good. BUT, there were some things to be discussed….
I had heard through the grapevine a couple weeks ago that my doctor was merging her practice with a solo-OB. I don’t blame her, she’s married, has young children, is expecting again, and is — in a way — always “on call” because even with the CNM is on, she’s on call for her…. So I understand that it helps to have an additional doctor in the mix.
However, I also heard that this particular OB doesn’t do VBACs. And that’s a problem for me. So my doctor and I talked about my concern that I’d “get” that OB. But as we spoke, red flags began to fly:
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Well, yes, this OB says he doesn’t do VBACs, but he sometimes does them, so I should be OK….
- The hospital that we’re planning on is having some VBAC policy change ideas of their own, but they shouldn’t be through until the month after my due-date.
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And, my doctor is traveling out of the country (to do something amazing by the way — I’d love to be her patient when she’s gets back!) the day after my “due date.” So given my chances of going past my EDD (since I’ve never labored or dilated, etc… I’m like a first-time mom here), I have an increased chance of getting the iffy-VBAC doctor (or at least having him over my CNM).
Needless to say, I was really thrown off. I was sick… blown away… shocked. I’ve had all my ducks in a row for this pregnancy and VBAC for well over a year…. months before we conceived. I picked my doctor (and thus hospital) in November of 2006; I’d been seeing a Webster chiropractor since September of 2006. I knew which childbirth class to take, and had a pretty good idea which doula I wanted. I was ready. All we had to do was get pregnant. The rest was going to be smooth sailing.
But – (as my friend reminded me) life, like labor, is unpredictable. She said, “Labor is the ultimate letting go.” I remained in shock for a good day and a half. All my pretty little ducks in a row had been gunned down! My wonderful husband tried to explain that the reason we put our ducks in a row is that when one falls out of line, it’s easier to reline them up. I quickly explained through my tears “that’s not why I line up ducks. I do it so they’ll stay there!”
So – we’re researching and interviewing our options. And we’ll see where we’re led. The more my husband tells me that he’s at peace with this (and he tells me often), the more I actually am. In fact, I think I’m almost down right excited about our new course of action. I’m not ready to commit in writing “where” I think we’re going, but it seems pretty clear. I’m seeing the metaphorical neon sign.
I need to remind myself of my favorite Psalm, stay in prayer for a continued healthy pregnancy and birth, and be thankful for the family and friends who already support us on this journey.
